I just finished watching the movie Ghosts of Mississippi. Being an Ohioan, I still have a hard time believing that there are people in the South that still think the way that they do about people of color and of the Jewish faith. The movie is based on a true story and a man that was assassinated in 1963, only 8 years before I was born. It was horrifying to me that the man who was finally found guilty had been flaunting his proud kill for nearly 30 years before they were able to convict him.

While I was watching the movie an email showed up on my phone from one of the lists that I’m on. A woman who is 39 weeks along and wanting to attempt a VBAC was told by her doctor today (a Saturday!) that she had scheduled a c-section for this woman next Wednesday unless she went into labor before then. The doctor also informed her that if she did not show up for the surgical removal of her new baby she would be recorded as non-compliant and would be reported to Child Protective Services. Civil rights? Since when did we hand over the right for our child to choose his or her own birth to these “care providers”? Why do these “care providers” think that they know better than our babies when it is time for them to come out? There are times when a baby needs to be removed early – but they are RARE and not just because the mother happened to have a previous cesarean. Why isn’t anyone (except for the women that these crimes are perpetrated on and sometimes their families) outraged at their behavior? Judges sign court orders for completely unnecessary surgeries before the mother even has a chance to get an atty, the surgery is done and over before she can argue her case or rebut the orders. How is that NOT a violation of our civil rights?? Why aren’t civil rights attorneys lining up to take these cases to court?

Why? Because they are un-winnable cases. The doctors have medical-ease that the judge and jury (if there is one) aren’t likely to understand. The doctors will make sure to explain it skewed in their favor. They claim the need for cesareans because of unstable heart tones as shown on the external fetal monitor. However, they don’t explain that the pitocin they insisted the patient needed may have caused those heart tones. Or the epidural that was necessitated by the pitocin may have caused those heart tone. Or simply the fact that the mother has been kept in a bed flat on her back with nothing to eat or drink for hours!

The doctors claim they are only operating in the best interest of the child. How is evicting a newborn baby from the womb of his or her mother before that baby is ready? Labor starts on it’s own exactly when the baby is ready. When the baby’s lungs are ready they release a hormone that sends a signal to the mother’s body that it time for labor to start. During labor the baby and the mother both receive a variation of hormones designed specifically for labor and birth. If you skip that entire process by removing the baby surgically before labor begins they both loose out on those beneficial hormones and the baby’s lungs may not be ready. If you interrupt that process by insisting that it isn’t moving fast enough they both loose out on those beneficial hormones and the mother’s body may not be ready to give birth.

Why can’t these “care providers” be patient?

“Midwives see birth as a miracle and only mess with it if there is a problem; doctors see birth as a problem and if they don’t mess with it, it’s a miracle!” - Barbara Harper, Gentle Birth Choices

Like we didn't know that already, right?

Ripples over fake nipples

My first response to this article was - Really? Really? Women are so insecure with their bodies and so unhappy with what genetics/God gave them that they can now have fake nipples.

Why on EARTH would you want fake nipples?? They might look great, but they would have no sensitivity whatsoever. What is the point?! I have numb areas on my body where my cesarean scar is and where they had to open my leg when I broke it. Having parts of your body that you can't feel from the inside is just weird and creepy. I cannot imagine not having any sensation in my nipples. :-( That is just the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

I got to fire ANOTHER pharmacy this week. :-( So, that's 3 pharmcies in the last year?

Shayna's prescription gets refilled every other week - they take her pills, crush them, mix with water and a flavor so it's easier for her to take. Last Monday, I called to refill her prescription. The tech that answered the phone told me that they had to fax the doctor and ask for to renew the prescription. Ok, great, I'll be in tomorrow to pick it up.

I was driving to the pharmacy the next day and it occured to me that they hadn't called to let me know it was ready. They didn't usually, so it's not like I was expecting them too. But I called just to see, it was after 4pm. The tech that answered the phone told me that the doctor hadn't sent them a new prescription yet. Shayna only gets exactly enough medicine for 2 weeks and she only had 1 or 2 doses left. I asked why no one had called me at 2 that afternoon to let me know so that I could have called the doctor to follow up and see if there was a problem. She gave me this huge excuse for not calling because "We fax out 30-40 prescriptions a day, there is no way that we could call everyone who's doctor didn't respond each night." If they are all about to run out of their life saving or life altering medications - you'd better be calling them! I hung up and called the doctors office. I got the nurse's voice mail and figured she wouldn't get it until the next morning because it was already so late in the day. The nurse did call us back around 5:30 and said that they'd never gotten the order because the pharmacy had faxed it to the wrong number. Apparently, whoever they faxed it to took the time to get the right number and forwarded it. Thank the gods!

The next afternoon, I started to drive to the pharmacy to pick up this prescription and I thought I'd better call them and make sure it's there. Shayna was now out of her life altering medicine. We had back up pills, but they are difficult for her to take. The tech (I believe it was the same one each time) tells me that they ran out of her pills and would not be getting any in until 11am the next morning. Shayna had been at a summer day camp all week, I drop her off at 8:30am, there is no way that I'd be able to get her medicine to her in the middle of the day, leaving her without medicine even longer. I got very upset, why hadn't they reordered these pills last week? They know we come in every other week for this Rx. I had already asked to speak with a manager and she wouldn't transfer my call. She was still giving me excuses like the day before. I pointed out to her that my daughter was now OUT of medicine and what exactly was I supposed to do?? For crying out loud, what if had been my other daughter's insulin and she was out? She'd end up in the hospital without her insulin! I had to hang up because I was so upset.

My husband called me back 10 minutes later and said that the pharmacy had called and said they borrowed pills from another pharmacy and that I could pick up Shayna's prescription. Unbelievable. So, I picked up the girls from camp and went to the pharmacy. The woman who waited on me was the same woman that I'd been dealing with on the phone. She did not even attempt to apologize for the delay, the screw up, etc. I told her the reason why the doctor hadn't responded to their fax was because they faxed it to the wrong number. She said "Ok, give me the number and I'll fix that." I said, "There's no point, because we won't be back." She looked at me and said "Oh really, do you know someone else who can make this?" and pointed at Shayna's prescription. I looked at her and said "I'll find someone." Took the prescription and walked out.

Really? I have a mortar and pestle, I could crush the damn pills myself and mix it with whatever Shayna wanted to mix it with. But I shouldn't fucking have to because that is their damn JOB! And I know of several other compounding pharmacies in the area that I could easily go to.

So, if you live in or near Defiance, Ohio don't use Okuley's Pharmacy. Their reordering practices suck (they never had all of Brittany's diabetes prescriptions in stock, we always had to come back for more) and the girl that answers the phone is a snot. They just lost my business.

In April of 2001, I noticed that Brittany hadn't been looking as healthy as she once did. Her face was pale and she developed circles under her eyes. I thought she needed more iron, more protein, more vitamins. Nothing helped. She was 7 and had 2 younger sisters so I hadn't helped her with a bath or shower for at least a year already. The first warm day we met my mom for dinner. Brittany accidentally caught her arm in the van when we were getting out. My mom and I checked for injuries and we both noticed how thin her arm was. There was very little muscle. Brittany had never been a skinny child, so this was unusual. I told my mom I thought she needed more iron/protein/vitamins and she agreed.

In mid-May, Shayna (almost 1) caught a flu bug. I ended up having to take her to the hospital for IV fluids overnight because she'd become so dehydrated.

On May 26th, I had taken all three of the girls to the zoo. By the time we left I was more than a little annoyed with Brittany because she had been dragging her feet through the entire visit and I kept having to wait for her to catch up. At one point I yelled at her for it.

On Memorial Day May 28th, my mom and I were planning on driving all the girls to Columbus to drop Morgan and Shayna off with their dad. On the way back, my mom and I thought it would be find to just take the scenic drive and stop to eat in a little town, get ice cream somewhere, etc. However, that morning Brittany could barely get off the couch. Her eyes were droopy, breathing was fast and shallow, her heart was racing. Instead of a nice spring drive, we got to go to the hospital. I took her to the one closest to my house because I figured she'd only be there for a few hours, maybe overnight.

I kept thinking maybe she had some kind of flu thing that was just affecting her differently than it had affected Shayna. They got her in a room at the ER, after the usual wait in the waiting room. Took a bunch of blood and did a chest x-ray. Are chest x-rays protocol? I think every single time that I've taken any of my kids to the ER they've gotten a chest x-ray, unless they needed something else x-rayed.

After an eternity, the doctor comes back with the blood work results. I don't even remember how he told me or what my reaction was. But she had Type 1 Diabetes, her blood sugar was over 500. They had already called the pediatric endocrinologist that was on call and an ambulance to come to transfer her to another hospital. The hospital that we were at didn't have a Peds facility. My head started spinning, probably why I don't remember exactly what exactly he'd said.

I called my mom and Brittany's father. I think my mom left my other two daughter's with her husband and she came up to the hospital. Brittany's dad and his mom came up to the hospital. They brought Brittany a tray of food for lunch and we all waited for the ambulance. I really wanted to ride with her, but my van was there and her dad was going to go with her. (He'd only recently been regularly involved in her life.)

So, we all transfered to the other hospital. They admitted her to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) and started getting her set up with an IV. Needless to say she was not happy.

That was the first day of our lives with Diabetes. It's been a rough road, but finally I think we are gaining the upper hand on this disease. If you are interested, the rest of the story is here.

Memorial Day has since had a whole new meaning for me.

I was lucky enough to get to go to the ICAN Conference in Atlanta a few weeks ago. I cannot begin to describe the experience. I finally got to give hugs to all of these women that I've shared stories with over the last few years. We've shared joys, losses, traumas, waiting, all of it. These women know me better than most of my family and I know these women better than most of my family. Finally getting to see these women in person was not like meeting them for the first time. Just getting together with them again. :-) Without these women, I would not have had any idea that a VBAC was even possible after an Inverted T incision, not to mention the courage to find a care provider that would assist me.

I had a good chat with the pharmacist at the new pharmacy that is doing so great with Shayna (she got tutti frutti flavor this time - lol). It was finally time to order Brittany's prescriptions. I explained the whole long complicated story - Brittany has Type 1 Diabetes and is on an insulin pump and there are a million prescriptions that need filled every month, pump supplies from a durable medical equipment company and everything else from the pharmacy. The trick is that two of her prescriptions are for the exact same insulin, but she needs it both in a vial and in a pen cartridge. She needs the vials to fill her pump and the pen cartridges for just in case her pump fails for some reason (which it does for a bunch of different reasons that aren't the pump itself, but the whole complicated system). However, when the pharmacist processes the prescriptions through the insurance one of those two will get rejected because they are the exact same thing. So the pharmacist has to take the extra step of calling the insurance company and explaining the situation so they can manually approve the second prescription. I know it's a total PITA and I wish they didn't have to do this, but it is what it is and Brittany needs both almost every month. At any rate, the pharmacists at the new pharmacy said that it wasn't a problem, but that I should probably remind her every month.

All of this is why I fired the last pharmacy, because even though I DID remind them every flippin month, they never called about the second prescription. I would have to stand there and bug them until they did. :-( I just want my daughter to live as normal of a life as possible and I shouldn't have to spend an hour arguing with a pharmacist about the same thing every month to achieve that.

Let's just hope the new pharmacy keeps it up. :-)

It's April again and Cesarean Awareness Month.

I had my first cesarean almost 12 years ago because my 2nd daughter got stuck in a brow presentation. (Her forehead was the presenting part, her chin was not tucked.) I had chosen a hospital that had all the right stuff, birth balls, birthing stools, a rocking chair that you could labor in, etc. I didn't get to use any of it even though I was in labor for 18ish hours. When I went to the hospital I was already 5 days "overdue" and had suspicions that my water had been leaking for a few days. If I only knew then what I know now, I would have never had either of my c-sections. When I got to the hospital my OB confirmed that my water had broken and that I had a fever. She ordered an IV antibiotic and admitted me even though I wasn't in labor. :-( If I did know then what I know now I could have just rested, pushed a lot of fluids and taken vitamin C to help fight any infection, even though a fever is NOT a definitive sign of an infection. My OB also told me that she'd been up all night with laboring women and was in no shape to stay and help me. So, one of her partners that I had already met took over. I was induced, laying flat on my back, no surprise I ended up with a malpositioned baby. :-( I was on the highway to a c-section and didn't even know it. Induced before labor began, early epidural because baby was pushing on a sciatic nerve which the epi didn't help, catheter (that was a COMPLETE nightmare), unable to leave the bed. I knew as I began to recover afterward that if I'd had a midwife, I would not have had a c-section. I would have been able to use all those cool things like the ball and the stool, etc. and move around. I also drew into myself, I can't say exactly why, but I knew my labor/delivery wasn't right. I'd already had one baby vaginally. I did but didn't understand why my 2nd baby ended up in such a bad position. I felt betrayed, by my body, my baby and mostly by the OB and nurses. No one ever suggested that I lay on my side, get up and walk around, sit in the rocking chair right next to the bed, sit on the birth ball across the room. The room was flipping huge, there was PLENTY of room to move around. WHY didn't anyone suggest that I try that??

For the entire time I was in the hospital after my surgery (5 days total, I think) I do not remember seeing one lactation consultant. I barely remember seeing the nurses except for that time when I stood up (after laying in bed for 2 days after my surgery) and watched blood just gush out of me and run down my legs. I naturally started to freak and my poor husband and the time went completely white and ran for the call button. I only nursed my daughter for 2 weeks, some of it was me, but I blame part of it on my c-section and the lack of nursing support that I received at the hospital.

I cannot say when or if I ever really bonded with my daughter that was born of my 1st c-section. I know that I did not bond with her the same way that I bonded with any of my other three daughters. I love her with all of my heart, but the bond just wasn't the same.

I wish that I'd tried to find a midwife that I could barter with. I hadn't really considered a midwife as a possibility because our insurance wouldn't cover and we didn't have much extra money at the time. I really wish that I'd at least had a doula. I was so ignorant at the time I had no idea what a doula was. :-(

If you want to read any of my complete birth stories they are here: http://www.jessicas-haven.com/pgnb/ Enjoy!

When we go to a store, we expect the sales person to skew facts and details about what they are selling and what the competition is selling because they want to make a sale. Why are we surprised when doctors do similar things? They are making money from our visits, just like a sales person makes money from our purchases.

OBs like to claim that homebirth midwives create a lot of messes for them to clean up because it scares the crap out of pregnant women and makes them want to stay with their nice safe doctors who can handle anything. *rolls eyes* The OBs like this because it keeps money in his or her pocket and system.

The great majority of homebirth midwives do not create messes for the OBs to clean up. Homebirth midwives only transfer when medically necessary and even then it isn't always an emergency situation nor a mess for the doctor to clean up. No one has accurate numbers on the successful homebirths compared to transfers, they aren't reported accurately. This fact makes it much easier for the OBs to spin it in their favor.

I would say that the number of times that a homebirth midwife transfers a true "mess" for the OB to fix is very, very low. And most likely when this happens the midwife didn't "create" it just for the OB to clean up. :-( That being said, not all midwives are 100% responsible and on the up-and-up. That you have to figure out for yourself. Ask your midwife how often she transfers and what the outcome generally is when she does transfer. If she transfers, will she go with you? (If you aren't in a midwife hostile state.) If not, why?

When you are talking with a doctor, please remember they are out to make a sale just as much as the sales person as the department store.

The saga continues in trying to find a decent pharmacy that can follow instructions and fill the prescriptions that I ask them to fill. :-(

So, I found a new pharmacy to fill Brittany's prescriptions, a grocery store chain pharmacy. She has Type 1 Diabetes and uses an insulin pump so she has a lot of prescriptions that need filled every month. Two of those are the same kind of insulin, but in two different containers. One to be used to fill up her pump and one to be used in an insulin pen for back up when her pump fails. The first time I took the prescriptions in there I told the lady that she would have to call the insurance company because they would deny whichever of those two they ran second, they have to manually approve it. She nodded and smiled. (I should have known.) When I went back to pick up the prescriptions, they only had the one insulin. Big surprise there. :-( I asked where the second one was. The lady (different than the one I dropped the rxs off with) told me that it had been denied. Ugh. So, I explained the whole thing all over again. She called the insurance company while I stood there and low and behold they approved the second insulin. Holy Shit! Argh! This happened every flippin' month, even though I reminded them every flippin' month that they would have to call about the second one. They also didn't fill other random prescriptions that I requested and gave us the wrong form of another one - Zofran. My daughter had a prescription for the sublingual zofran, kind of hard to keep a pill that you have to swallow down when you are puking! They gave her the swallowable one. :-(

Needless to say, we have now found another new pharmacy. This one is a local privately owned pharmacy, so I HOPE we will get much better customer service from them than the others. They've already gone above and beyond with Shayna's prescription - it was originally in pill form that was huge and hard for her to swallow. This new pharmacy is a compounding pharmacy so they made it into a liquid and can add different flavors. :-) Shayna is thrilled! She's already tried cherry and lemon. She has about 8 or 9 more flavors to try. lol

So, I finally got this all set up, but I have a horrible tension headache and can't think clearly enough to form a thoughtful post.  Ugh!

I will try to get back here as soon as this headache is gone and start posting.  See you soon!

(I moved this over here, because there is more to this story.)

When did it become acceptable for a business to not return phone calls? This annoys me to NO end! It's happened to me twice in the last 2 weeks. Neither of those two businesses will be seeing me as a customer ever again.

I called a pharmacy earlier this week to refill Brittany's prescriptions. Since Brittany is on an insulin pump she requires about $400 or so a month in supplies, insulin, test strips, reservoirs, infusion sets, etc. Even though we have insurance and I'm not directly paying for the supplies, I will not be calling them back. I don't have time to call and call and call to have her prescriptions refilled. It's inexcusable. (There has also been a decline in other areas of their customer service lately as well, sending the wrong supplies, etc.)

My husband and I are preparing to TTC again. Last week, I called a midwife last week to see if she would be willing to attend me. I have midwives that I love and adore, but they are 2 hours away in MI. So, in the interest of conserving gas and a little money, I'm trying to check out the local midwives. (I have a-whole-nother post about Ohio midwives and my bone with them, but I'm trying!) I did call one and she asked me to call her back in a few weeks because she was very busy. Perfectly acceptable and I am happy to call her back in a few weeks. However, the other one that I called... sheesh! I know that I called or e-mailed this second midwife back in March before my miscarriage to see if she would attend me through that pregnancy. She never responded. So, I thought I'd give her another chance, she has a website, looks very professional, lovely pictures, etc. I called her, she has YET to return my call. Not even a quick, I'm really busy right now but would be happy to meet with you in a few weeks. NOTHING.

So, those two businesses will not be able to count me as a client/customer. Their loss.